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Teaching/Counseling for Same-Sex Attraction

Who's In Your Pews?

  • Todd’s father died when he was young. He never felt the hug or touch of any man while growing up. One weekend, he was shown that physical attention by his uncle and it felt so unbelievably good to him. He never forgot how good it felt; that’s how Todd first got started on his journey into homosexuality.
  • Betty watched her father beat up her mother, all the time. She vowed that she would never let any man do the same to her as her father was doing to her mother. She chose women instead and is glad she did.
  • Bob’s father was rarely at home and his mother was lonely. Girls now remind him of his mom who wanted both emotional and physical affection from him. Bob hated her sexual advances towards him and has now generalized that anger towards all females lest they control him like his mother had done.
  • Mary’s mother was not an affectionate woman and most of her time was spent in church meetings. It was just the way her mom was wired. Everything in life was business as usual. Mary went looking for a mom by meeting other women and finally began to fill the gap and the void that she felt for so long.
  • Jim had his first sexual experience with a girl at the age of 14. She laughed at him and told him that he wasn’t much of a man. It wounded his pride. He vowed that he would never be hurt like that again.
  • Sally was gang raped in her freshman year at college. Barb’s boyfriend left her soon after the abortion. Neither one of them will be humiliated like that again. Both chose lesbian lifestyles and enjoy the safety.

 How Do They Feel?

  • Same-Sex Attraction is not all about the pursuit of pleasure; sometimes, it’s their answer to pain. Just like the heterosexual tries to find satisfaction in the creature rather than the Creator, so does the homosexual.
  • Same-Sex Attraction starts with ambivalence about one’s own sexuality rather than an attraction towards the same sex. They don’t have an issue with the opposite sex; they simply have an uncertainty about theirs.
  • Sometimes this lifestyle centers on physical pleasure and the body does become an idol of worship. That is just like the heterosexual, by the way! All of us choose anything and anyone but God. He happens to be last on all of our lists while we substitute created things (bodies, people, kids, etc.). See Romans 1. All of us try to obtain pleasure, satisfy desires, or soothe pain through a creature instead of the Creator.
  • They need to lose the homosexual label that they have given to themselves over the years.
  • They must re-discover their own sexuality before they try to re-direct their sexuality.
  • They will need to break off many of their former dependant relationships or past sexual relationships.
  • They need to see that spiritual manifestations of love take precedence over sexual expressions of love.
  • They should be paired into fellowships with people who will function like Christian surrogate parents.
  • The church needs Support Groups giving hope and wisdom to the parents of homosexual/lesbian kids.
  • They must be committed to another community at church to replace their current gay community.
  • Homosexuals (just like heterosexuals) should learn how to deal with people who disappoint or sin against us in life (Matthew 18:15-20; Acts 15:36-41; Galatians 1:11-14).
  • Same-Sex Attracted people (just like opposite-sex attracted people) must discover their strength and joy in God, not people.

What Not To Do

  • Don’t denounce homosexual sin while you dismiss heterosexual or non-sexual sin! Why do we single out homosexual sin but not pre-marital sin or extra-marital sin? Why are we silent about greed and gossip but so vehement about homosexuality?
  • Don’t treat homosexuality as if it is found on every single page in the Bible while it is specifically mentioned in only eight different texts and times in the Scriptures. If it’s so rarely mentioned in the Bible, why is it so often mentioned in our sermons?
  • Don’t put homosexuality at the top of the sin list because God doesn’t put it there. Doesn’t God tell us that the love of money is the root of all kinds of evil and sin? Doesn’t the Bible tell us that the unpardonable sin actually has nothing to do with sex? Wherever you do find homosexuality, it’s found in the middle of these lists.
  • Don’t blame the homosexual for being the root of every other sin in America today. God tells us that the world, the flesh and the devil are the real culprits to target. Doesn’t the Bible say that our enemy is not made of flesh and blood in Eph. 6:12?
  • Don’t neglect the homosexual in your church ministries and outreach to the needy in your community. If you’ll house the pregnant teenager and feed the hungry, will you provide housing to a homosexual young man while he is escaping temptation?
  • Don’t preach that you can be a practicing homosexual as an obedient Christian. Can you be a “Christian thief” in life? 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 lists both of them together. Can you be a “Christian murderer”? 1 Timothy 1:9-10 lumps both of them together. Theft, homosexuality, and murder are described as past sins, not current lifestyles.
  • Don’t believe that homosexuality is much more powerful than any other temptation. For some reason, we put this into a special class all by itself and that it is what it is. Somehow, we bought the lie that this is an unalterable, permanent, fixed behavior. God’s grace gives victory over ANY and ALL types of non-sexual or sexual struggles. He brought victory to former homosexuals at Corinth; His power is the same.

Scriptures to Know

  • The Miracles of Jesus are an excellent tool in showing us that people, who were totally helpless with fixed and permanent conditions since birth, were transformed by Jesus who healed them, regardless of their past condition in life ( Mark 5:25-34; John 5:1-15; Luke 13:10-17; Mark 9:17-29; Acts 3:1-10).
  • Treating people as gods (Acts 14:8-18; 28:1-6; 2 Kings 17:7-20; Leviticus 26:1; Deut.11:16; Is.42:8). All of us have the tendency to idolize and elevate people (our kids, our boss, our image, our spouse) first and foremost, instead of God. That is part of our fallen nature and isn’t due to our sexual orientation.
  • The Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32) describes a son who ran from his roots in his thirst for independence and pleasure, freedom and adventure. He went looking for love in all the wrong places and found out that people or friends can’t fill the void because they will desert or disappoint you. Only God satisfies.
  • The excuses of King Saul (1 Samuel 15) show our inherited tendency to blame others for our choices. We blame our situation, our partner, our parents, or sometimes even our genes for our lifestyles. We need to simply admit that we are responsible and ask God to change us and give us a spirit of freedom.
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    About us

    Most counselors, speakers or organizations happen to specialize in only one particular topic above. I happen to specialize in all types of sexual hurt, injustice, pain, trauma, memories - not just in one area. (more)

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    Healing Sexual Hurt
    Dr. Sam Serio
    31915 Rancho California Road
    Suite 200-405
    Temecula, CA 92591


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